Tag: the magnificent goalie in its natural habitat

angstriddentrashhuman:

Goalies are interesting creatures. Their adorable and smiling face hides a dark secret. Because they’ll be that shiny happy baby with their face tucked into their jersey that wiggles in the the crease to get comfortable and pats the post when it gets hit. But if you knock them down or touch their mask you have activated a secret murder switch and either they or their teammates will fuck you up in 0.2 seconds. Whether the goalie themselves or the team fucks you up is based on several factors including but not limited to the goalies time in the minors, the goalies time as backup, the goalies amount of bullshit handled, and how much the team relies on said goalie. I’m not saying that touching the goalie is a death sentence, just maybe you should have your will in order if you plan to.

arrghigiveup:

mrscurrentfavoriteplayersname:

thisisahockeyblog:

dontsleepsharks:

I feel like any time someone touches a goalie, it turns into the intro scene from Romeo and Juliet:

DID YOU TOUCH MY FUCKING GOALIE?

I DID TOUCH A GOALIE BUT I DID NOT TOUCH YOUR GOALIE, SIR.

DID YOU TOUCH MY FUCKING GOALIE?

DRAW IF YOU BE MEN.

*MURDER PILE*

*goalie crawling out of the way*

Two goalies, both alike in dignity

In fair Verizon Center, where we lay our scene

From ancient grudge break to new penalty,

Where civil blood makes civil gloves unclean.

From forth the fatal pads of these two foes

A pair of ice-cross’d wingers take their life;

Whose misadventured piteous overembellishments

Do with their fists bury their goalies’ strife.

The fearful passage of their chipped-tooth’d love,

And the continuance of their fans’ rage,

Which, but their season’s end, nought could remove,

Is now the two hours’ traffic of our stage;

The which if you with giant foam fingers attend,

What here shall miss, our goon shall strive to mend.

=DDD