yesokayiknow:

timaltman:

do you think the dc universe has a news site like the onion that’s just like…

“meddling parents still alive, preventing bruce wayne from adopting yet anther orphan”

“new study shows that 87% of all americans class superman as american citizen despite being born on a different planet, but only 49% avoided eye contact when asked about why martian manhunter doesn’t count”

“area woman thanking her lucky stars that batman and superman fell out on the same day she was due to go to boss’ niece’s bat mitzvah”

“arkham guard astonished by trip to iron heights, only now learning what locks are for”

“area man pretty sure he should be making more than $60k a year if his boss has 10 billion dollars to waste on robotic exosuit”

“breaking news: lex luthor sues superman for loss of earnings, claims that continually losing fights to him is negatively affecting his work ethic”

“Booster Gold”

myrtlebroadbelt:

The Lord of the Rings + The Onion headlines

abomination-of-gender:

I need people to understand that the viral onion article that’s going around has been posted five times over the years, always verbatim except for the name of the city and number of dead.

arrghigiveup:

rospeaks:

catgotyoururl:

I know this is from the onion but I honestly don’t even doubt it

Statistic is skewed by hockey referees who spend 100% or their time In The Way.

Factoid actually just statistical error. Referee Tim Peel is an outlier and should not have been counted.

ancient literature as onion headlines

the iliad: Area Man Expected To Work With These Incompetents
the odyssey: Prodigal Asshole Returns
the aeneid: Man Who Thought He’d Lost All Hope Loses Last Additional Bit Of Hope He Didn’t Even Know He Still Had
the satyricon: I Fucked My Way Into This Mess, And I’ll Fuck My Way Out
medea: Relationship Not A Power Struggle, Woman Who’s Winning Reports
the bacchae: Area Man Just In Bad Mood Because He’s Tired And An Awful Human Being
iphigenia at aulis: Guests Forced To Pretend Wedding A Good Thing
agamemnon: Study Finds Expressing Anger In Unhealthy Ways Incredibly Satisfying
oedipus the king: True Courage Is Knowing You’re Wrong But Refusing To Admit It
herodotus’s histories: Historians Admit To Inventing Ancient Greeks
the poetry of catullus: Relationship Definitely Hurtling Toward Something
the ars amatoria: Man’s Relationship Advice Same As His Hunting Tips
the speeches of cicero: Here Are All Of My Opinions
the epigrams of martial: Come On, Lighten Up, I’m Just Being A Total Asshole