casual reminder that i wrote an 90-page novel when i was eight about a deranged pensioner who wants to take over the world and return everything to âThe Good Old Daysâ, and which included such choice elements as
a really neurotic vegetarian vampireÂ
alice cooper, for no apparent reason
an evil supermodel called miranda gothÂ
three nine-year-olds climbing mount everest in diving helmetsÂ
the entire population of scotland appearing out of literally nowhere to help defeat the antagonistsÂ
âyou can take our lives but you cannot take our trousers"Â
a few people have been asking me to post extracts from this so uh
hereâs something
in 20 years iâll be telling people how i first heard of the best novel ever written when it was a 500 notes post on tumblr
This is our Really Big Coin. It is big because it makes other things look small when photographed next to it. Actually, it is a 20:1 replica of the EUR 50-cent, you see it being milled out here. We needed to do quite a bit of sanding, lacquering and smudging to obtain the desired look and some climbing to get into required shooting position (you need to get up real high to take good pictures). The result is a short series of photographs, attempting to visually scale down real-sized objects.
if you dont have me on facebook you are probably not missing out on any posts but the comment section is important too lmao
I went to the Renaissance faire dressed as a warrior. I had a real sword with me, too. I was standing (in character) next to a sword-fighting ring, where kids of all ages got the chance to pick up a sword and challenge the champion. Some woman walks by, with her little girl. The girl starts walking towards the ring, saying she wants to fight. But the mom pulled her away hella sharply, and was like, âThatâs for boys.â You donât want to be a BOY, do you?â   And the girl looked around and saw me. I think she thought I was a boy; I had my hair in a ponytail, and was wearing a hood. So she comes up to me and asks me, âDo you think girls can be fighters, too?â And her mom looks like sheâs silently gloating. Like she thinks Iâm going to say no. So I take off my hood, untie my hair so that it flows freely, and kneel before her. And Iâm like, âMilady, anyone can be a fighter.â I swear, the look on that motherâs face made my day.
This post was good but then it got better
Okay, this is a slight topic diversion, but in response to the above comment. Iâve volunteered at the CT Ren Faire for years now. For the last 5 or so Iâve worked in the game section, and we have a game similar to the above comment called âSmite the Knightâ. Iâve been in the ring before, itâs a ton of fun getting to run around with the kids. The main goal is entertainment. Have a good shtick, keep the crowd engaged, and let the kids have a good time.
In both work and observing, I have learned something about kids. A lot of parents try to get their boys to go fight. Of the young ones that do, they tend to be shy. You get the ones who just swing the boffer swords around with no regard for life, but, mostly, theyâre reserved. Itâs adorable. I mean, theyâre kids.
But the girls. THE GIRLS. Holy crap. I swear, the pinker the dress, the more taffeta and glitterâŚthe more intensity. I remember, the first year I worked there, one girl came in, grabbed the biggest sword she could, and WENT TO TOWN on our knight. Lifted it over head, let out this primal scream and mowed him down. Homeboy is 6â˛2âł, she was FIVE. And once he was in the fetal position (He was fine. It was for show.) on the ground, she stopped, put her foot on his chest, and yelled âI AM A FIERCE PRINCESS!!â. Later in the day when she walked by a couple of us yelled âAh! Itâs the fierce princess!â and she stopped and flexed. It was the best, and I will never forget that girl.
So, possibly one of the coolest things Iâve ever seen. I mean you know how you hear the âwomen want him, men want to *be* himâ stuff in old movies? Well Iâm a man and by *god* I wanted to be this guy. Anyway!
Iâm having dinner with my girlfriend at the time, and behind us are a couple on a date. It is.. not going well. Guy was being rather creepy and making some pretty inappropriate comments, the girl doesnât look at all comfortable.
The girl finishes her appetiser really quickly, my guess is she wanted to get it over with. Guy proceeds to comment on it and says âwell, least I know you can swallow right?â. Loudly.
Girl goes red and tells him that isnât appropriate, he literally waves his hand in a âshooâ type motion and says âoh calm down I was going to find out in a few hours anywayâ.
I missed her exact reply as she moved to a hushed tone, but it was fairly obvious what was being said – fuck no, fuck off, fuck this. He responded with âsweetheart I picked you up, I know where you liveâ. She lost the colour in her face and said nothing.
No. No. Fuck no. Iâm one of those âget involvedâ type of people and there is no way Iâm sitting here watching this go down. I get up. I donât know what Iâm going to do, but Iâm 23, fighting fit and happy to put that motherfucker through a wall. I may have had a slight temper in my youth. But anyway.
I was halfway out of my chair when a hand came down on my shoulder and I look up to this mid-50s but super fit guy who says âEasy.. Iâve got this one sonâ. Absolute, total confidence in his voice.. so seeing as my current plan amounted to âstab him in the neckâ and Iâm already thinking maybe thatâs not the best idea, I sit down.
He walks over, grabs a nearby chair, flips it around and sits down with the couple. Then.. he pulls out his police ID and puts it on the table. Now the guy doesnât have any colour in his face.
Cop: âSo, Iâm quietly celebrating my daughters birthday with my family when I distinctly hear you threaten this young lady, would you care to explain yourself?â
Guy: âI, ah, well, um, you see..â
Cop: âThatâs what I thought. Now see, we take a *very* dim view of that kind of thing, so right now Iâm deciding if I want to have some of my buddies come pick you up.â
Guy: âoh no well thatâŚâ
Cop: âBut that would disrupt everyoneâs dinner, so how about you hand me your ID, because I wouldnât want you running off on me, then you go see one of the staff here and settle your bill.. the full bill now, this young lady shouldnât go hungry on account of your poor behaviour. Or we can go with the first option, Iâll leave it up to you.â
Guy: âNo no! Thatâs perfectly fine!â *hands over ID, gets up and walks very quickly in the direction of the counter*
Cop: *while writing down the guys details* âSorry about that miss, I hope Iâm not intruding it just seemed like you could use some help. Oh and donât worry, if you want to pursue this further Iâll have some of the boys pick him up on his way home, we can definitely take this further.â
Girl: âNo, thank you so much, I wanted to run out 30 minutes ago but he drove me hereâ.
Cop: *shifts from hardarse cop to comforting father figure in about half a second* âWell Iâm here with my daughter, sheâs about your age, perhaps youâd like to finish your meal with us? We can run you home afterwards if youâd like, unless youâd prefer to call someone else?â
Girl: âOh.. that would be really nice.. thankyou so much!â
*guy returns, so does the hardarse cop*
Guy: âUh so, Iâve paid the bill, if I could have my ID back..â.
Cop: âThere you go.. now I have your details right here so I *highly* recommend you donât go near or contact this young lady ever again.â
Guy: âYes yes of course, Iâm so sorry!â
The guy pretty much fled the restaurant, the girl went and sat with the cop and his family and by the time we left they were still sitting around talking and laughing about random crap.
It was hands down the best way I have ever seen anybody handle any situation, ever. That cop is my hero.
Steel Phoenix Studios 