Tag: this

deadcatwithaflamethrower:

deadcatwithaflamethrower:

There are days in life when you can spend the entire day doing and saying everything correctly. All of it, down to the wire, 100% correct–

–and someone is still going to tell you that you’re wrong about something.

People that grew up in healthy households can run into this, choose to walk away from the situation, shake it off, or figure out a way to explain to the other person that either a) they’re wrong or b) it doesn’t matter, depending on how unreasonable the person is being.

People that grew up in abusive households, or survived abusive relationships?

When we do everything 100% right and then someone we care about comes along to tell us, INSIST at us, that something we’ve said/done is wrong?

It’s not something you can shake off. It’s not something you can just make Not Matter in your head. Parts of our lives–significant parts–are us being told by people we care about/love that we’re wrong. No matter how well we do, no matter how perfect our facts, no matter that we’re 100% right? We’re wrong because the other person says so, and they will tear you down until you admit that “no, of course, you’re right, I was wrong” or you walk away sobbing while they mock you for being so emotional for something so insignificant, aren’t you so immature, not like a Real Adult would act, isn’t that funny?

Once you’ve told us we’re wrong, we don’t shake it off. We retreat, curl up in a corner, and have a full-blown PTSD meltdown because a loved one has just stomped all over what little sense of self-worth we’ve figured out how to build.

If we’re lucky, we get to do this while being left alone.

When we’re not lucky, the loved one who did the stomping will come along demanding to know what the fucking problem is while you’re having your PTSD meltdown.

In both situations, they’re going to get frustrated that you spend the rest of the day unhappy, irritable, sad, in tears, and/or angry. What created that trigger wasn’t their fault. You both know that.

That doesn’t magically make it better.

It actually makes it so much worse.

#PTSD#survivor’s guilt#except it’s not guilt#it’s fucking rage that we don’t know how to quantify#because we’re stuck with it#and the people who caused that damage get away with it#or maybe they don’t#sometimes we don’t know because we walk away#sometimes all the therapy in the world just makes you aware of why something hurts#but it doesn’t stop the hurt#it’s just something you learn to tolerate#until someone pushes too far on a day when the threads are far too thin already#and then they keep pushing#and when you walk away#they’re pissed#and of course that makes it all your fault#like I said#it makes it worse 

I’m reposting this, with original tags, not because I need hugs or things (though those were awesome and appreciated) but because I think there are people who need to hear this who might’ve missed the post the first time through.