like whats the average lifespan of an asgardian? like yeah thor is 1500 but what if thats just like 23 in human terms
googled “asgardian lifespan” found this,
so if thor is currently 1500 years old (said in infinity war)
5100/1500 = 3.4
so thors current age times 3.4 would be the average lifespan of an asgardian
to change that to human terms the average lifespan of a human is about 80 so
80/3.4
lsdmkfgjdfjsd oh my God…
thor really out here having the worst time of his life and hes like 23
this metric gets even weirder if you do it for loki’s age
according to Thor 1 loki was a baby in 965 AD, making him not much older than 1000 years (1053 counting from this year,) so considerably younger than Thor.
Doing the same calculation as above, 5100/1053 gives a ratio of 4.8, that is to say that the average life span of the aesir is 4.9 times as long as loki has lived, so 84/4.8 places him comparative to a human life span at:
….17.
LOKI YOU ARE NOT EVEN OLD ENOUGH TO *VOTE,* LET ALONE HOLD HIGH OFFICE! YOU GET DOWN FROM THAT THRONE RIGHT NOW!!!
Þrymskviða. Compressed down, it goes like this: A Jotun steal Thor’s hammer Mjolnir and says he’ll only give it back if he’s given Freyja to marry, as she is the most beautiful goddess in all of existence. The gods argue over what to do for a while before Heimdall suggests they stick a bridal veil on Thor, says he’s Freyja, and pretend they’re giving Freyja (Thor) to the Jotun to marry so Thor can get close enough to the Jotun to steal Mjolnir back.
Now typically when people talk about this story, it’s with an element of disbelieving comedy. “Oh my god, who would believe Thor was a woman, let alone Freyja, the most beautiful goddess in the world?”
But I propose a different way to look at the story.
See, different cultures have different beauty standards. Modern western beauty standards may be a delicate hourglass supermodel, but that’s not always been the case. Greece, for instance, depicted Aphrodite like this:
Yeah. A Greek sculptor was told “sculpt the goddess of beauty” and they thought “alright, fat rolls, that’s where beauty is at, let’s do this”. And everybody else apparently agreed with them, because up went the statue. Beauty is a malleable concept is what I’m getting at.
Now this is where it becomes relevant that Freyja is not just the goddess of love, sex, and beauty. She’s also the goddess of war. And the righteous dead. Goddess of war in the same Viking warrior culture that gave us shield maidens, women who wielded seven fucking kilogram (15 lbs) shields in combat.
Sooooo … when the Norse storytellers said, “This is Freyja, goddess of war and the righteous dead, who rode giant murder cats into battle, she is the most beautiful goddess in the world”, I’m guessing they weren’t thinking of her as some willowy waif. No, I’m guessing they probably thought more along the lines of:
190 cm (6′3″), broad shoulders, built like a brick shithouse, with a jawline like whoa, and fully capable of murdering everything in her path.
Put in that context, the story of Thor dressing up as Freyja sounds less like a punchline about “how could anyone ever mistake Thor in a veil for Freyja?” and becomes more a case of “ohhhhhhhhhhh, no wonder all the gods thought this plan would work”.
joss whedon: loki tortures and murders people for fun, and, despite being the god of CHAOS, is a fascist who says things like “it’s the unspoken truth of humanity that you crave subjugation”
taika waititi: loki is an annoying little shit who day-drinks, puts on theater about himself, and fucks his way to the top
joss whedon: loki and thor are gods, so they always talk proper and posh and in cryptic riddles so for no reason. it makes them seem more powerful and mystical.
taiki waititi: one time when they were kids loki turned into a snake because he knows thor loves snakes and then thor went to pick up the snake and then loki turned back into himself and screamed “yueagh, it’s me!” and then he stabbed thor
Taika Waititi has a deeper understanding of Norse mythological accuracy than Joss lol
It’s because Joss Whedon looks at all mythology and religion through a Christian-atheist lens. You can see it in Buffy and even a little in Firefly too. Even when he writes about other religions and their deities and practices, it still comes back to Christianity.
He wrote Thor and Loki as modern Western Christianity would portray Jesus and the Devil as opposed to how they actually are in mythology or the comics
Marvel: Are you ready for the GOD of motherFUCKING THUNDER?????? He’s six feet of RAWMUSCLE and his hobbies include SMASHING things with a HUGE, MAGICHAMMER and being a generally SEXY BEAST
The fandom:
10/10 gif usage
The funniest thing is I imagine Diana and Thor would get along very well, and bond over their dads being the head honchos of the gods. Also lightning and thunder! Diana would probably be like a slightly exasperated big sister to Thor at times. Oh and she can 100% lift Mjolnir and wield Stormbreaker.
and we all know how Thor feels about female warriors. he would think Diana is the absolute coolest
Mjolnir? Stormbeaker? If Thor met her he would absolutely gush over her Lasso of truth!! A weapon designed to have one last ditch effort to resolve a situation even when your opponent has already resigned to battle? One last chance to resolve the conflict before anyone has to get hurt? Even just the fact that it can grapple an enemy instead of kill them outright. Thor would be in awe of Wonder Woman. To Thor she is everything a leader should be, brave, strong, wise, and just like Thor she is enamored by humanity despite it’s flaws. Wonder Woman is Thor’s goals personified. She’s the leader he wants to be
thor is that chad looking dude pathetic men try to say is the enemy and he’s always sort of messing around in class so u think he’s sort of an ass but one night you end up at the same party as him and find out he’s the DD for everyone there. He makes 15 trips. He carries four grown men into their dorms on his shoulders and makes sure they pass out on their sides so they’re safe but not until he makes all of them drink a glass of water.
then he asks everyone else who’s still conscious if they want to go to steak n’ shake before the night ends. he pays for all the shakes.
I’ve never read a more accurate description of Thor in my life
i think about this a lot but how much better would thor 1 be if we got to see thor react to the fact that his beloved brother was a race that he grew up wanting to slaughter?? like was that not an important plot point?? THAT’S a better way for thor to realize that killing just to conquer is wrong, that’s how he should have realized the error of his ways, not just meeting mortals and wanting to protect them, but by hurting someone that he loved because of his arrogant ignorance and prejudice
It makes Thor and Loki’s relationship the most important in the movie since it’s the relationship impacting Thor’s character arc, and that’s how it should be in a Thor movie.
The people Thor wants to conquer are Frost Giants, not humans. Asgard’s opinion of Midgard is in no way comparable to its opinion of Jotunheim. Learning how nice and cool humans are shouldn’t impact how he feels about Jotunheim. This is why I explain his change of heart in other ways.
The trouble is, I think a small change like, for instance, Thor noticing Loki turning blue when the Frost Giant touches him would change the plot entirely. If Thor had noticed that, he’d have grabbed Loki and noped the fuck out of the battle on Jotunheim. The conversation between him and Odin would have been entirely different. He probably wouldn’t have been banished, which means Loki wouldn’t have been regent.
There’s an interesting fanfic in that idea. (Obviously there are already works that have Thor find out Loki’s a Frost Giant and never get banished, but most of the ones I’ve read are pro-Odin, pro-Asgard, and anti-Jotunheim, and that’s just not my cup of tea.)
@foundlingmother Perhaps seeing Loki’s hand turn blue is what prompted Thor to retreat from the ongoing battle on Jotunheim. Odin arrived just as they reached that edge and Thor slayed that frost beast.
Thor didn’t blather about slaying the Frost Giants together then, because he was holding onto Loki, confusion and rising panic keeping both of them quiet.
Then after coming back to Asgard, Thor directly asked Odin about Loki, his voice raised. Odin gave them some spiel about saving Loki from those ’monsters’, but Thor, angry and wanting straight answers, lashed out at Odin. Odin finally revealed how he wanted to bring peace through Loki. That shocked both Thor and Loki, causing Thor to personally call Odin out on his shit.
Loki tried to intervene, but Odin banished Thor to Midgard. Now feeling directly responsible for all this shit going down, Loki reacted with his emotions clouding his thoughts. In his attempt to stop Odin from banishing Thor, he got thrown to Midgard as well. Both the brothers banished to the same realm, perhaps landing a bit apart on Midgard.
Hence began the adventure of two brothers rediscovering their brotherhood and love by shared experiences on a strange planet, trying to come to terms with the fact that the man they looked upto all their life was actually a huge liar and tyrant. Cue in the angsty stuff where Loki actually tries to distance himself from Thor, wondering if he feels disgusted to even touch him, or if his touch might injure Thor unexpectedly. Thor trying to pull Loki out of his funk, while trying to get some understanding about the drastically changed modern Midgard. Mjiolnir has also been taken from him, and he is distraught about that too. But for the first time in his life, Thor begins to question if he actually deserves such a weapon, if he actually is an honorable warrior and prince.
On Asgard, Odin plans to destroy Jotunheim. Frigga sees this and asks the warrior 4 to go on Midgard to find the brothers. She herself goes to stop Odin from taking this step. Heimdall and Odin have a confrontation, where Odin almost kills him. But Frigga intervenes. That’s when Thor and Loki arrive back in Asgard.
Thor and Loki finally have to confront their fears and insecurities to fight Odin, who is bent on destroying Jotunheim, while Frigga takes the Gungnir out if the bifrost activating slot, stopping it from frying Jotunheim.
Odin, already fighting odinsleep, finally collapses, and the drama finally comes to an end. The brothers are injured, but not very seriously.
Movie concludes with Frigga sitting on the throne of Asgard while the brothers return to Midgard to thank their new friends (including Jane). That’s when the thing with the Tesseract being rediscovered happens.
I am into this. Yes, indeed.
I love it! My only problem with this is that I don’t think Odin would wanna destroy Jötunheim like that. It woul alter the balance between The Nine Realms and breack the paternalist fazade that he worked so hard on. Maybe if the brothers confront him for something else, like returning The Winter Caskett to Jötunheim.
@artemisa97 That’s true. I think it would make more sense if Jotunheim, using the excuse that Thor invading and killing their kind presents, went on the offensive and escalated it to the point of war. It could very easily be shown to be justified. First, they’re dying and need the Casket back. Second, they’re aware Thor’s the next king of Asgard, and he’s just shown he’s not only willing, but excited to slay them all. Better to go out in one last ditch effort to retrieve the power source they need. Odin responds, now under no obligation to pretend to be peaceful and paternalistic. He’s just defending his Realm. He already punished Thor for his actions, so the Frost Giants are unnecessarily escalating the conflict due to their violent, warmongering nature.
The way I would do it, Thor goes to retrieve the Casket to return it, and he must battle the Destroyer (perhaps with Sif and the Warriors Three). Meanwhile, Loki goes to Jotunheim. Odin and Laufey are battling one another in the same place that the opening showed Odin defeating Laufey. Loki joins in, helps Laufey disarm and disable Odin. Just as Laufey’s about to exact his victory and vengeance, Loki kills him in the same way he does in Thor. Thor gives the Casket to one of Laufey’s sons. The Asgardian army is allowed to retreat.
@foundlingmother Ok, so, while my computer went through some problems, I had time to think about all this scenario and now I have opinions. And girl, are they long…
First, I agree with you with that ending, even if I’m not sure that Helblindi and Bylester would accept their father’s dead that easaly. Anyway, what I actually want to explore is what happens next, since I belive that this could make TDW waaaaaaaay more interesting. Or, in any case, more solid.
Assuming that Avengers happens mostly the same but with Loki being an avenger instead of a villain or, in any case, not really taking part in the conflict at all, I think he would visit Midgard very often. After the whole killing Laufey everything would come out in Asgard and people would know that Loki is a Frost Gigant. Between the racism and the fact that Loki was always the odd one out, being there would be hellish, so he would try to avoid it. And now he had actual friends! Not fake friends that tolerate him just because he is Thor little brother, but friends that don’t care about his heritage and want him around (want him around, not Thor, Loki) because he is himself and they like him, even when he is a lil’ shit sometimes.
That friend would be Jane, of course, because we are forgetting that whole romantic thing with Thor. It wasn’t good, it wasn’t interesting and Thor would have been to busy with the whole “MY LITTLE BROTHER IS A FROST GIGANT AND MY FATHER IS KINDA OF AN ASSHOLE” thing in the first movie, so that never happened (thank Frigga). But I do belive that, little after the first AWFUL AND BOMBASTIC argument with Odin, Loki would sneack to Earth and stay in Jane’s couch. They would be besties because Jane is nice and she would listen to him and support him. Loki would become that friend with a shitty family that appers in the middle of the nightwith a new story about his dad racism and homofobia and, just, assholery. I belive that, after the first times, it would become a thing, not just for when he has problems in Asgard, but a whole weekly thing. They would drink heavily while watching Shakesperian dramas that Loki would get because of the similaritys with Asgardian theather and because his own shitty family live and then talk about magic and sience and the universe. (I also belive that they would understand each other in another way, since Jane is in a very masculine field and Loki has always being insulted for his magic and seidr, that are considered femenine matters; they probably get each other deeply in those subjects and are good support when Jane is called “a pretty face that doesn’t get sience” or when an asgardian calls Loki an agr.) Also, they would end up watching telenovelas because I know that Loki would love them, ok? A lot of people shit in telenovelas but it’s the perfect mix between clasic tragedy and clasic comedy and they are so dramatic: Loki would be adicted. He would also love Empire becuase it’s the perfect combination of Shakespeare and telenovela with a little spoon of social commentary that would resonate with Loki while he is trying to decide if he is more asgardiand than jotunn.
In any case, I digress, what I was actually trying to say is that they would be besties, so Loki could have being there while the whole portal thing was happening. Now, here we start again in the movie itself, but instead of that w-e-a-c-k protection for the ether, it would be AN ACTUAL PROTECTION. Like the dungeons of an old abandoned castle full of protections and traps, but Loki would see the Asgardian Royal Sigil and the ancient drawings and would realize that it had something to do with the dark elves. The version of the story that Odin always told is flawed and Loki reacts very badly because “OMG ANOTHER ASGARDIAN SECRET THEY ALWAYS LIE IT WILL NEVER END I CAN’T EVEN” and breacks the seal because he is gonna find out the truth one way or another. Jane follows him because they are buddies and she is concern. Also, she has no idea of what’s happening and needs Loki to go back to Earth, so… But he frees the ether and it gets inside Jane because of course it does. Loki takes her and go back to Midgard, wich is the moment when Thor appers just like in the movie.
They go back to Asgard, but Odin is ANGRY becuase Loki just waked up the dark elves and freed the ether and now is inside of the stupid mortal, so he accuse him of threason for ignoring the warning simbols and loks him up. Frigga is angry and Thor is angry but Odin is the boss. Loki, of course, it’s also angry because he knows Odin was just expectin for an oportunity like this to get rid of him, so they have a very close version of his trial scene since they are both furios and burning with resentment. Loki is imprissioned.
Now, Thor. Thor is focussing in protecting Jane because she is his friend too and Odin is very racist, but he is conflicted about Loki. Of course, he wants him to be free, but doesn’t really do anything to get him free because he is angry that he endangered Jane and, more important, their relationshipp? Quite tense right now. First, Odin had a lot of time to get in his head and ooooooh, the Old Man is good at it. Second, he had been most of that time away from Loki, since he is returning the Nine Realms back to order and Loki is in Asgard, fighting with Odin. Third, he is jealous AS FUCK. Thor is a fixer. He likes fixing things, he wants to fix things and help the people he loves, he needs to fix things and feel that is his responsability, more so with Loki. But. He has been away. And Loki is going more and more time back to Midgard and the little time they expend together is more and more filled with discussions. Becuase Loki is starting to see that under that golden facade of Asgard there is blood and destruction. Now, Thor is a good person and always try to help, but he is very proud of being an asgardian and probably doesn’t take very well that Loki is starting to try and learn about his heritage because considers that Loki is as much of an asgardian as he is. The way he is starting to reject Asgard is an eco of the way he is starting to reject their bond, reject Thor. So, he loves his brother and want to help him, but he is gonna play with Odin’s rules because Loki is being very unstable lately.
Now is when the elves come into play. Loki, like in the movie, indicates them how to get to the palace because he is so angry at Odin and he belives that the dark elves are probably not as bad as they have being made look. He regrets that later, when Frigga dies protecting Jane.
Thor helps Loki to escape and the go in a very similar way to the rest of the movie. The only change it’s that, when Loki survives, which he is NOT expecting, he doesn’t overthrone Odin. He is done with Asgard. Everyone there hates him and discriminate him and he is just. Tired. He is so tired. He is feeling bad for the dead of Frigga and angry at Odin and doesn’t know what to feel about Thor. So he goes back to Midgard and stays ther with Jane and Darcy, that are thrilled that he is alive because they actually care about him. Asgard knows that he is alive but they leave him alone. Thor comes to visit and they talk, but Loki stays on Midgard.
At least, until AoU. In that movie I don’t really know i he goes in a road trip with Thor to find the infinity stones or if he stays and help Wanda with her magic.
Anyway, I’m sorry for the wall of text and any mistakes that I probable y have comited, english is my third language and DAMN, it’s a long post, I don’t think I will find all of them, xD
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