So I had a dream today I told the world’s worst joke. I woke up, wrote it down, and it is
1.) Coherent 2.) A complete joke 3.) Pretty bad
So I present to you, Atma’s Dream Joke
A woman is lost in a desert. She is growing bored and horny and screams out “As God as my witness, I will fuck the next object I see, regardless.” God drops down a printer cartridge. The woman asks “What the fuck, God?” and God replies “It really sets the tone for your situation, doesn’t it?”
This is beautiful, thank you, I’m texting it to my mother.
oh so this is the post i’m gonna be known for. could be a lot worse.
tell me what your mom thinks, please
Mom thinks your subconcious is a comedic genius and that you should listen to it more.
the grass in the original shrek movie is not grass. its hair. they used hair textures for the grass bc the actual grass for some reason in their computer modelling programs would not behave like grass so they used hair textures colored green.
elvis presley was a registered DEA officer who asked nixon for the title and was awarded it.
What else?
the great escape artist houdini was living in a time period where mysticism, fortune telling, ouija boards, seances and etc were becoming very common place and trendy. and he fucking hated it so much. so much that he would go to seances in disguise and make some bullshit off the wall shit like “my son died last year can you let me talk to him” and the seance person would be like ‘THIS IS YOUR SON HELLO FATHER’ then he’d rip off his disguise and be like YOU FRAUD I HAVE NO CHILDREN.
He died on Halloween night in detroit and as far as i know every year they hold seances on halloween trying to get in contact with his spirit. If seances work i bet his ghost is just pissed off and not responding out of raw spite.
foxes cant snarl like dogs and wolves cus the muscles in their muzzle dont allowe it so they just drop their jaws and scream.
if you were to eat the liver of a polar bear you would succumb to vitamin A poisoning
Graham crackers started off as anti masturbatory aids, Coca-Cola was intended to be a medicine.
Mr. John Harvey Kellogg invented corn flakes as a measure to stave off masturbation and was huge into the anti-masturbatory movement, which he believed caused health problems.
also in the same vein as houdini shit: he commissioned H.P. Lovecraft to write a piece discrediting mysticism and it fucking exists. He, the fantastic magician, commissioned the fuckn horror fantasy writer to dunk on mysticism. I cannot get over this for any span of time it comes back to slap me each day.
also H.P. Lovecraft was deathly afraid of fish, and was a self-described
Sometimes I just ignore anon hate because theres a proverb I learnt in a Nigerian movie that said.
‘You cannot run naked after a mad man in the street after he has taken your clothes away from you because the public will not know who is the mad person between the two of you’
I feel like this proverb was based on firsthand experience.
That is weirdly specific but also a pretty good point
probably the weirdest information about star wars i could give you is that the death star garbage compactor monster from episode 4 was sentient, was force sensitive, and it wasn’t trying to eat luke – it was trying to baptise him
to everybody wondering, no, im sorry, Omi did not escape the death star. she died when it was destroyed, just as she foresaw in her visions.
as a sort of silver lining, through the grace of the force she was able to accept her fate and wondered what she would be in the next life, as her culture believed in reincarnation.
::sips coffee::
::stares off into the far reaches of Monday with a sort of blank delight::
This video pisses me off because everything about it is perfect. It’s extremely well shot and composed. Every decision that went into it from the choreographed sunglasses throw to the bass boosted Nickelback seems deliberate and incapable of improvement.
Nothing I ever make will be better than 12 second long shitpost.
okay but, why do they all look like vampires, that one with the huge loaf looks he’s probably the head vamp. he looks like count von count from sesame street
It gets even better, because he was doing all of this on a pitch black night. This dude swam towards a lure, slapped at it with his glove, and when it got caught; he let himself float and tugged on the line so the fisherman thought he had hooked a 100+ pound salmon. Once he was finally up to the shore, he turned a flashlight on in the guy’s face and walked out of the water, saying “good morning, gentlemen. State fish and game warden, you’re under arrest.“
At this point, the guy who had reeled him in had literally fallen over in shock, and the other people with him were scared shitless. The warden whipped some citations out of a plastic bag in his wetsuit, made the trespassers sign them, asked if they had any questions, and then gathered all of their fishing gear. And he just. Walked back into the river. And quietly swam away, without another word.
Steel Phoenix Studios 